This is a whole new year, I gotta keep it fuckin movin. This life is mine and mine alone. Doesn’t matter how easy it is for anybody else. I gotta make it livable for me. Sitting here thinking. I am not looking for anybody or anything. All of the thoughts that cross my mind often have me thinkin. Gotta make myself happy no matter what. Feeling like people think that they know what is best for me but they don’t know exactly what I want. I just want to be happy. And live a productive life. So now I life is not what I expected it to be and I am annoyed. What else can I do now? You aee stripping everything from me and you’re expecting me to live life happily. I have staeted back seeing the therapist Jeff again just to get a handle on my life, once again. Life has definitely handed me a few sour grapes but I have to just get everything in control. I am annoyed a lot by the going ons of certain ppl however I will not let that discourage me. You will not defeat me, this is my life and you can’t have mine.
My story has yet to be told, it ain’t easy telling a story such as mine. But in order to take in, to ingest all that need to be said at first at least all that I have to live the life that I am destined to live. Am I sad a lot? Not really, just some saddened days when I feel that life is getting the better of me. Why is my life going in this direction?
Here I sit thinkn how, thinkn why thinkn what the f**k am I go to do now? My mentality keeps me grounded as I question my own judgement for my accomplishments going on in my life. I definitely keep myself grounded as if I am afraid to fly as I should. I have always accused others of grounding me but in all actuality, it has always been me who was afraid to see myself fly. My life has not been a perfect one and I have always admired others for stepping out of their boxes in search of a higher place, a higher plateau never being afraid of reaching their next level to accomplish greatness. Have always watched others but still is afraid of doing more to get on to the next level of my own dopeness. What am I afraid of? Apparently I am afraid of being great. Afraid of being a dope ass person.But why? I have no reasoning nor answer for that. Why am I or shld I be afraid of spreading my own wings to fly. My own greatness is my gift ti the world. I am a talented muhf**ka. So now I have to get out of my own way and being to flap my wings and soar as high as I can. Soar fly with a smile on my face and keep it moving. #Peace💖
#Greatness #Dope #Love #FlyLikeAnEagle
I used to get upset at the thing that you did. Nowadays it just seems as if it is everyday life. Nothing you do surprises me. But why? Why do you hate me? Why do you want to see me fail? On top of everything I always wanted a mother that I could admire. I wanted a mother that would be oroud of me. I wanted so badly to lean on you and get your support. The harshest words I could muster was the fact that I don’t like you. Bc you are my mom, I would nvr want to be disrespectful to you. I want you to love me. To treat me as if I am your own child bc I am. I had to ask if you even wanted me when you had me? Your numerous calls to CPS and even APS showed the people that I was struggling. People wonder why would my own parent treat me so bad. You get people involved for them to only see that I struggle with no help. Do any of them feel bad for me? All they see is my struggles and wonder why there isn’t more help for me. You continue to call on me with false allegations. How is that helping your life? Your existance in your own life. You’re actually showing people how crazy you really are. You would rather watch my demise rather see my triumphs. I love me, and there are noways around that. Daily I am prouder of myself bc I can show you how much I don’t need you. My struggles aren’t in vain. Daily I live a life that I can be proud of me; not worrying abt others. Life is always worth living.
Which meds should I choose? Do I want pills? Or do I choose injections? There is always so much controversy around the subject.Often I am so undecided. Most of the time I get worried about the side effects.The side effects are far worse than the original problem.I have been back and forth with my neurologist about which meds I choose. The newer meds have horrible side effects. I go back each and every week. Still undecided. I’m close now tho. Just nothing that will cause any kind of bad side effects to my liver or kidneys. It doesn’t have to be an injection, I will take a pill. It won’t be the worst decision that I ever made. I have to go to my primary Dr to get new meds for my nerves, I want to try Lyrica now. I’m ready to improve my life.
I am so ready for the next moment of my life. This is a new yeat, I have to keep a newer better way of thinking. A better way of handle business. I need and welcome change. I smile because I am ready to do better in my life, and with my life. I feel loved. I appreciate everything amd everybody.Life always gives me unexpected changes and as I get them I have to continue tl embrace them all. Apparently I need to change more than a few things about myself and my life. I am so ready for it all. I smile as I write these words because life always has challenges but I simply have to accept them all. Today was a good day. Tomorrow will be even better. I just know amd trust that I will get everything done in time.