How?

Why do things have to be separate? Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you even care? It is apparent that you don’t. Did you ever love me? Since I am the youngest, I have doubts. Was there ever real love. That makes me feel rxtra small in your eyes. But you are a mother, my mother. Really, isn’t a good look for you in my eyes. Life has been rather difficult for me at times but I refuse to give up. The hurt actually stings however I have to continue to do what I need to do for myself and my family. Small dreams keep me striving for more. Once I realized that you changed who my father was late in my age. I realized that you could not be fully trusted. For my sanity, I can’t put all my trust in you. You stretch a lie to fit you.If you could lie about something as big as who my father was that made me further not trust you words. And you don’t have any faith in me to do anything. Which shows me what I mean to you. I catch small lies that you tell and it stings my heart, pierces my soul, why? Because you the person who gave birth to me. I came out believe everything that you said, why would you want to lie to me? I have learned to not believe any words that came from you mouth. You are a christian, supposedly. But you lie so effortlessly to such your life, your situations. How can I trust your words? I look just like you, only a better version  Life is life is life. I can’t keep crying out for love, asking for it, yours only. Praying for it, the therapist to me that I won’t ever get what I am looking for but I wont stop chasing you for the love that am supposed to get from my mother. That sux. Although I had (four) 4 children of my own, I never what the same kind of relationship with any of my children.  wordpress.1msnani.org

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