Here again

Here I am again, here I go. Life always gets me in the most unpredictable situations. Why you ask? Apparently there is a lesson to be learned. But I didn’t get the memo ✍ on what it was. Over here at my besties house, tryna function and co exist. Life gets very tough at times but you can’t let life take control. Keep pushin for what you want, keep striving for what you believe in. You gotta keep moving towards what you want and how you feel. Life always tries to take over but you gotta keep the upper hand. Stay away from that small town metality. Always want more than what is shown. Keep your goals, Swallow the fear and keep going towards what you want. It is out there waiting to be grasped by you. Even if they don’t believe in your dreams, remember you do. Keep your dreams alive, in your heart. And just remember why you started.

Why wouldnt it be…

So my life is always an emotional reoccurrence. It was said that life keeps repeating it’s self until, you figure out what you need to do different. I feel like I am on a rolloercoaster that is never ending. Why is it never ending? I cannot get off this ride that doesn’t stop. 

How?

Why do things have to be separate? Do you know how that makes me feel? Do you even care? It is apparent that you don’t. Did you ever love me? Since I am the youngest, I have doubts. Was there ever real love. That makes me feel rxtra small in your eyes. But you are a mother, my mother. Really, isn’t a good look for you in my eyes. Life has been rather difficult for me at times but I refuse to give up. The hurt actually stings however I have to continue to do what I need to do for myself and my family. Small dreams keep me striving for more. Once I realized that you changed who my father was late in my age. I realized that you could not be fully trusted. For my sanity, I can’t put all my trust in you. You stretch a lie to fit you.If you could lie about something as big as who my father was that made me further not trust you words. And you don’t have any faith in me to do anything. Which shows me what I mean to you. I catch small lies that you tell and it stings my heart, pierces my soul, why? Because you the person who gave birth to me. I came out believe everything that you said, why would you want to lie to me? I have learned to not believe any words that came from you mouth. You are a christian, supposedly. But you lie so effortlessly to such your life, your situations. How can I trust your words? I look just like you, only a better version  Life is life is life. I can’t keep crying out for love, asking for it, yours only. Praying for it, the therapist to me that I won’t ever get what I am looking for but I wont stop chasing you for the love that am supposed to get from my mother. That sux. Although I had (four) 4 children of my own, I never what the same kind of relationship with any of my children.  wordpress.1msnani.org

Life

How can you survive in a world that is set up to make you lose? Being a parent with a few life issues it makes me feel like I can’t win. This life at times make me feel like there isn’t anything better in life. 

Police Brutality 

I kinda saw this tweet today however; I didn’t really look at it. I saw the beginning of the footage but turned it off. I was busy at the time. I kept seeing tweets about Alton but never really looked in to it. I under no circumstances agree with policr brutality. There is never a need for it at all. I can never understand what gives police the right to take the law into their own hands to take a life that was not their own or a life that they created. To watch his life being taken, hurt my soul. There is no explanation for the reasoning of it. I dont feel that they have the right to do so. That makes me feel that my life can be taken at anytime. I have a son, a young black male who could be in that situation at anytime, hell any black person. Check out @workwthecoach’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/workwthecoach/status/750524851396325376?s=09

Questions

Recently there have been a few chains of events that has led to 2 black men losing their lives on camera. The police had no reason for shooting the men however the men ended uo dead. Both incidents were recorded showing both men not doing except what the officers asked of them. Honestly, the officers feared the men and that was how the men ended up dead. Did they teach them in the police academy to simply shoot first and ask questions later? I feel that they were afraid of the men so they shot without thinking of how their actions would affect others. I wonder how they feel now about shooting first then asking questions. “What is the value of a black mans life? I check the toe tag not one zero in sight.” J Cole asked the question and you can’t help but feel the same way. Are the black men that replaceable that we can afford to lose them at such an alarming rate? No however, society thinks that they are because they are dying at an alarming rate. I wonder if in the police academy are they taught to simply shoot because they are afraid of the black men having the upper hand. They didn’t think of the families of the men. Both men had children. One was actually in the car when her father was shot. She was heard screaming in the background as the police continued to shoot her father.Her mother, the mans fiancé recorded on FB live so that everybody could see what they were going thru. When will this nonsense end? And then you have a few white people who are not only sticking up for the officers and making excuses for the for why the men being dead. It is a damn shame on how black men lives are devalued. Like they dont matter. Black queens value your lives. We are here to support you no matter what. You matter to us and we love you. 💖💖 #MelaninPoppin #YoungKings